It’s harsh but true:  your website – from your home page content to that sales letter you slaved over, trying to get every word exactly right – mostly doesn’t get read.

People skim.  They bounce through those carefully-crafted paragraphs, picking out a word here, a headline there.

If you’re lucky, something will catch their attention and they’ll pause to read more closely.

But you don’t have to rely on luck.  There are a few things you can do that will significantly increase your chances of being read, not just skimmed. 

Here are five surprisingly easy tweaks you can make today – and start getting better response to your website.  The first three are design-related; the last two are about content.  All are important!

1. Increase the font size

This is especially important if anyone in your target audience is over 40.

Increase the font size!  Your standard paragraph font should be at least 15 pixels.  It’s no fun to squint at the screen.  Give your readers’ eyes a break, and they’ll repay you by sticking around to read what you’ve written.

2. Decrease the line length

When you increase the font size, the number of words per line will automatically decrease; with a bigger font, fewer words fit on a line.

However, you may still need to change your website’s display width.  For maximum readability and comprehension, you want about 12 to 15 words per line.  Of course, with today’s trend towards fluid layouts, that can be easier said than done.  Nonetheless, try to keep your lines no more than 15 words long for best results.

3. Drop the colored background

I won’t even try to read a website that’s in reverse type (for instance, white words on a black or blue background).  It literally hurts my eyes.  And I’m not alone; I’ve heard many people make the same comment.

I’ve also heard many people say they like the design feature.  Okay, fine.  I agree that it can look cool and edgy.  But what’s the real purpose of your website – to be looked at, or to be read?

Black or dark gray print on a white or very pale cream (think “eggshell” in paint colors) is best for readability.

4. Facilitate effective skimming

People are still going to skim, no matter how thoughtful you are about font size, line length, and font/background color combinations. 

Make it easy for them to get your message even when they skim.

It’s pretty obvious that the skimmer’s eye is going to land on the parts of the page that stand out:  the headlines and bolded content.

You can use that to your advantage with one neat little trick.

Read just the headlines and bolded content on your page.  Does it tell a coherent, compelling story all by itself, without reading anything else?

If so, you’ve got a good chance of catching the interest of your best potential clients – and a good chance they’ll go back to the top and actually read all the content on your page.  (Or at least more of it!)

If your headlines and bolded content convey a choppy or incoherent message – you’ve got some work to do.  Clean it up so that someone can get an accurate and powerful overview of your message just by reading the parts of your content that stand out visually.

5. Emphasize the call to action

Just as you want to be sure that your headlines and bold text create a coherent story for the skimming reader, so you also want to be sure that eveyone – even someone skimming – can find your call to action.

I could write an entire article – or maybe even a series of articles! – on effective calls to action.  For now, just make sure that each and every page on your site has an appropriate call to action – and make sure that it stands out on the page so that someone who’s just skimming can easily see it and respond.

Easy changes – with big results

These are all easy, quick fixes that can bring significant improvements to your website’s impact.

Your readers won’t know why they find your site so welcoming and interesting – but they will.  And that means your website will engage more easily with more of the right people.

“What we see when we look at a Web page depends on what we have in mind, but it’s usually just a fraction of what’s on the page… we tend to focus on words or phrases that seem to match (a) the task at hand or (b) our current or ongoign personal interests.”  Steve Krug, American usability consultant, teacher, and author of Don’t Make Me Think: a common sense approach to web usability and Rocket Surgery Made Easy:  the do-it-yourself guide to finding and fixing usability problems.

So – who decides the value of your work?

Hint:  not you.

That can be a little hard to take.  You put so much effort into creating the best possible services and products for your clients.  You know the value you give, and you know how much attention you pay to providing the most value possible.

And now I’m saying that you don’t get to decide what that value actually is?

Nope.

Your clients get to decide.  Because all that’s relevant – despite your heartfelt and truly meaningful thought and effort – is the value your clients perceive in their experience of you.

At one point in my corporate career, I received a performance review that included the comment “perception is reality.”  Given that the perception my manager was referring to was not favorable, I was not happy, and I resisted that statement rather vehemently.

But over time I’ve come to realize that yes, perception is reality.  What’s cool about this is that once you recognize that perception is reality, you can make it work for you.

Here are a few examples of how “perception is reality” can be a positive thing for you and your business.

Gain confidence!

When you listen to your clients describe what they value about your work, you’ll hear amazing things. 

The little things you do just because – those things that are so much a part of who you are and how you approach your work that you just do them naturally – you’ll probably discover that they’re noticed and appreciated far more often than you might have thought.

In really listening to what your clients say, and really reading the emails they send you, you’ll discover expressions of appreciation that are deeper reflections of who you are than you would expect – or could imagine.

To be able to hear that appreciation, though, you must first set aside your expectations and beliefs about what’s valuable about your work.  Only then can you be willing to be surprised.

It’s worth it, because the depth of confidence that comes from understanding what your clients truly value about you and your work is amazing.

Sell more of what your clients want

As business owners – whether we provide services, products, or some mixture of the two – we like to think we know what our clients need.

And in some ways, of course, we do. 

But we have an insider’s view of the situation. 

And what our clients need may or may not be what they want.  If you’ve been in business for any length of time, it’s almost a dead certainty that at some point you’ve offered something … something that provided tremendous value … something you KNEW your clients badly needed … and it fell flat on its face.  They didn’t recognize the value and they didn’t perceive the need.

Ouch.

My personal experience along those lines led me to understand the crucial importance of selling what my clients want, and including what they need as part of what I provide.

Fine-tune your marketing

When you really hear the words and phrases your clients use when they describe the value they’ve received from you, you have real gems to use in your marketing. 

Whether on your website, in your articles, or in how you talk with people, when you incorporate the language your clients use you’ll create immediate, resonant connection with the people who will be your best customers.

When you use only your own language, you’ll tend to be confusing at least some of the time.  Again, this is something I know on a very personal level.  I teach this stuff, yet I still find myself falling in love with my own language every now and then … and getting blank looks and little response to my emails. 

On the other hand, when I use the language I hear from my clients – from you – what I say makes more sense to you, it’s more relevant and useful to you, and I receive a much more enthusiastic response to what I offer.  Needless to say, I see this in my clients’ experiences as well!

Perception is reality

So ultimately the fact that you don’t get to decide what’s valuable for your clients is good for you and for your business.

When you pay attention to what your clients actually value instead of what you think they should value, you discover powerful things about yourself and your work.

And you can use those discoveries to grow your business – and to grow yourself.

“We are shaped by each other. We adjust not to the reality of a world, but to the reality of other thinkers.”  Joseph Chilton Pearce (1926-), American author and child-development theorist

All marketing is one-on-one:  one you and one client.

You standing in front of an audience of thousands.

Your website representing you to the teeming masses of internet users.

Or you talking face-to-face with one person.

It doesn’t matter.  It’s always one-on-one:  one you talking with one other person.

Each person in that audience of thousands, each internet user in that teeming mass, and that individual you’re face-to-face with is one person.  One person having his or her unique experience of you and your work.

The more you recognize this, the more successful you’ll be.  Because when you recognize that you’re talking to just one person at a time, not hundreds or thousands all at once, you have the perspective you need to create an intimacy between you and that one person – an intimacy that your potential client will feel and respond to.

If this one person is right for your work, he or she will respond by coming closer in some way – perhaps by signing up for your newsletter, coming up to talk with you after your speech, purchasing a product, or calling you to book a consultation.

If this one person is not a good fit for your work, he or she will respond by moving away – leaving your website, walking out of your presentation without a backward glance.

In both cases, that’s exactly what you want to happen.  You want your message to screen out those people who aren’t right for you, and to screen in your best clients.

It’s easy to overlook this one-to-one reality.  When you’re standing in front of that audience of thousands, there’s a sea of faces out there.  You don’t know when someone is reading your website.  If you’re leading a teleconference session, you don’t even have faces to look at – you just have to take it on faith that there are people on the line.

Of course you know you’re talking with just one person when you’re face-to-face.

What if you took that one-to-one knowledge – that one-to-one feeling – into all of your communication? 

Your website’s home page

Before you read any further – go read your home page.  (How long has it been since you read your own website?)

Does your home page feel conversational and personal, or is it purely informational and impersonal?

Your home page’s language can address multiple options and even multiple audiences and still present your message in a way that feels like a direct, personal message to the people who need to hear what you have to say.

Your sales pages

I once heard someone describe his sales-page-writing process as “writing love letters to clients.”  I think that’s beautiful, and it’s a great expression of what I’m suggesting.

What if instead of writing a sales page – with all the heaviness and anxiety that implies – you wrote love letters to your potential buyers?  How would that change your feelings about writing sales pages?  And how would it change your message?

Your presentations

When you present your work in video, on podcasts, in teleclasses, or through in-person speeches and presentations, do you find yourself talking to an amorphous “audience out there”? 

How would your energy, the tone of your voice, and your excitement and passion for your subject change if you spoke as if you were addressing just one person?

Who is it?

Who is the one person you’re talking to? 

Knowing that one person means knowing how to write your side of the conversation on your home page.

Knowing that one person means knowing exactly what words and tone will feel like a love letter inviting that one person to understand more about the value of your relationship with him or her.

Knowing that one person means knowing how he or she wants to learn from you in your presentations.

When you don’t speak to just one person, you dilute your message.  It’s almost impossible to write a clear, compelling message when you’re writing to an undifferentiated crowd.

Each and every person in that crowd is experiencing you as an individual – as one person.  Isn’t it time you gave each of them the same respect and consideration?

“You can’t love a crowd the same way you can love a person.  And a crowd can’t love you the way a single person can love you.  Intimacy doesn’t scale. Not really. Intimacy is a one-on-one phenomenon.”  Hugh Macleod, American cartoonist and author, from his ChangeThis manifesto “How to be Creative.”

The person who calls sales pages love letters? It’s the fabulous Fabeku Fatunmise, at http://www.fabeku.com. Funny, brilliant, and definitely out of the ordinary!

Words.

From the moment our ears and brain develop in the womb, we’re surrounded by words.

Within months of birth, we start responding to the words we hear.  We learn to speak around the time of our first birthday.  And we might be reading by age three.

Words fill our thoughts, our dreams, our encounters with people, and our encounters with ourselves.  Even when someone is born deaf, words quickly become a part of every moment through sign language, reading, and thought.

Familiarity breeds contempt.  And so we don’t take words seriously.

As business owners, words are how we connect with our customers.  Written or spoken, on a website, in a video, a podcast, or in person, words carry the message between us and the people we hope will buy from us – the people we hope to help.

Your word choices create emotional responses in your audience – emotional responses that can be subtle and are often subconscious.  The words you use in your messages make people feel something, even though they may not be aware of why they’re feeling that way. 

How they feel drives the decisions they make – including decisions about whether or not to purchase what you offer.

People think good writing is what makes a good message.

They’re wrong.

Good writing all by itself is not important.

Good writing can even get in the way of your message. 

It’s the power of words to connect that’s important, not the quality of the writing on its own.  Which is why “bad” writing can sometimes create a deeper, more powerful connection than apparently “good” writing.

You know what I’m talking about.  You’ve read websites that were written well, but felt flat, bland, and uninteresting.

And you’ve read websites that would make your high school English teacher cringe … yet the message was warm, understanding, and inviting.

The feeling is what matters, not the quality of the writing.

The feeling is what draws your reader in and makes the person you’re talking to lean closer, eager to hear more.

So forget the writing – go for the feeling.

How?

That’s a ginormous question.  There’s no quick answer.  However, here are four important considerations.

Understanding and empathy

Do you actually understand – at the felt level, not just intellectually – the situation your customers are facing?

Do you know, without stopping to think about it, why they need your help?

Do you feel the struggle they experience, and the effect that struggle has on their lives?

No amount of good writing can help you give your audience the feeling of being understood … unless you truly do understand.

And if you don’t understand, then your “good writing” can leave them feeling as if you’re insincere, slick, and sales-y.

Knowing more than you tell

In college, I was fortunate to study with author Mary Lee Settle.  She was an amazing woman and a powerful teacher.

The most important thing she taught me was the necessity of knowing more than you explicitly describe.  That wealth of knowledge creates depth and resonance in your writing; it leaves readers feeling as if there’s a foundation there that they can trust.

Who are your customers, and why do they matter to you?  How well do you know them?  Not just the problem they face, but what that problem does to their lives, and how solving it would transform their experience? 

Are you showing up?

Showing up is taking ownership of what you offer and describing its value with confidence and certainty.

That’s not boasting or arrogance.  It’s standing in the power of what you do so that you can be in full service to your customers. 

When you hold back, you do yourself and your clients a terrible disservice, because you’re not showing up in the fullness of what you offer.  You’re not making them deeply aware of your ability to help them find answers to the problems that are keeping them awake at night, and that are destroying some aspect of their lives and their happiness.

Words and writing are tools

That’s all – just tools.  You can learn to use them better.  You can learn to understand your customers better, so that you know what words they’ll respond to – the words that will help them feel understood, safe, and confident that you can help them.

So forget the effort to write well.  Focus on understanding well, and let the words come naturally from your understanding.

“Grasp the subject, the words will follow.”  Cato the Elder (234 BCE – 149 BCE), Roman statesman

“Words calculated to catch everyone may catch no one.”  Adlai E. Stevenson, Jr. (1900-1965), American politician, diplomat, and two-time Presidential candidate; from a speech to the Democratic National Convention, Chicago, Illinois, July 21 1952

“For me, words are a form of action, capable of influencing change.”  Ingrid Bengis (1944-), American author and essayist.

Everything you do communicates your core message about who you are, what you offer, and why and how you offer it.

That means that everything you do is marketing. 

You’ve probably heard that many times.  It probably makes sense intellectually.  But do you really get it at the deepest level?

As the old saying goes, someone has to know, like, and trust you before they’ll be ready to buy from you.  It’s the job of your marketing message to create the conditions for that to happen.

And since everything you do is marketing, everything you do is about being worthy of your audience’s trust.

In the spirit of my last article, I’m presenting a personal story to illustrate this point.

(You can read “What Self-Awareness Can Teach You About Marketing” at http://svahaconcepts.com/articles/the-internal-message/what-self-awareness-can-teach-you-about-marketing)

Trust erodes gradually

I’m searching for a new doctor because I no longer trust my previous doctor.

In small ways over time, I got the message that she doesn’t really care about me.  From her being late for my appointment because she was out getting a pedicure while I waited, to the speed with which she suggested expensive and invasive procedures, to some odd comments about her relationship with health-insurance companies … it added up.

No single event was significant on its own, but they accumulated to create a strong feeling of mistrust.

It’s far easier to keep a current client than to get a new client.  Your current client already knows, likes, and trusts you.

Blow the trust part, though, and they may decide they don’t like you much any more.

And then you’ll never hear from them again.

Trust is subtle

I asked Google and my friends for suggestions, and I visited a lot of doctors’ websites.  After much hunting, I reduced my choices to three.  Two I found through Google, and one from a friend’s recommendation.

One of those websites is beautiful, slick, and highly professional.

One of them is clean, simple, and bland.

One is jumbled, wildly over-informative, and badly outdated in appearance.

You might think I’d go for the first. 

But there’s something about the site that makes me uncomfortable.  It’s too slick.  It presents the doctor’s work in a way more suited to a corporate consultant than what I want in a doctor. 

The final blow to any potential for trust in this doctor, though, came when I noticed that the image on the home page bears an iStockPhoto watermark.  This says to me that they’re using the image without paying for it.

Trust is individual

So that leaves me with a choice of clean, simple, and bland versus over-informative, outdated, and kind of wacky.

The clean-but-bland site belongs to a doctor who was highly recommended by a friend.

The wacky site leaves me feeling overwhelmed with all the information and a bit nervous because of comments about how late this doctor tends to be for appointments.

Logically you’d think I’d go with the doctor who was recommended by someone I know.

But purchasing decisions aren’t made logically.  Purchasing decisions are made emotionally, based on whether we feel as if we know, like, and trust the person from whom we’re buying.

The wacky site’s tremendous amount of information is interesting to me.  I’m a knowledge junkie.  I love learning new things, even if the presentation is jumbled.  Plus, the site explains why she’s late:  because she spends time with her patients. 

The wacky site gives me a sense of the doctor’s personality and style.  I begin to feel that I know her.  There’s even something appealing about this site’s jumbled presentation.  It’s enthusiastic and warm.  I can’t help liking the person it describes to me, even though I’m frustrated by the site’s discombobulated appearance.

Finally, the information presented on the wacky site aligns with what I already know about the medical issues the doctor describes, and I like her approach to them – so I feel that I can trust her.

The bland site gives me no clues about personality, approach, or style.  All I have are my friend’s impressions, which are based on what she needs and values.

How does this apply to you and your business?

As you can see from this example – and from examples I’m sure you can find in your own experience – your message, including how it’s presented, has a tremendous impact on whether your audience trusts you.  And it may not have the impact you expect it to have!

Your best approach is wholly dependent on your audience. 

Some audiences want glossy, and some want casual.  Some want lots of information, while some want just enough.  And it’s amazing how many apparent problems or flaws can be overcome when the message being conveyed is authentic and filled with personality.

You will always create a better connection with your audience when you start by understanding what they need from you.

Don’t assume you know, because you could be disastrously wrong.

“In a networked world, trust is the most important currency.”  Eric Schmidt (1955-), American engineer, executive chairman of Google, former member of the board of directors of Apple, and past CEO of Google.

There are many ways to learn about marketing.

Countless marketing gurus have endless quantities of material available, paid and otherwise.  You can download e-books, buy physical books, listen to recordings, watch video, read blogs … it goes on and on and on. 

And it quickly becomes overwhelming.  How do you sort out which approach – out of all the myriad you’re exposed to – will work for you?  How do you know which guru – out of all the hundreds clamoring for your attention – is the one you want to trust?  How can you tell which task – out of the many queued up on your To-Do list – is the one that will bring you the best return for the precious time you’ll invest?

The answer is simple:  listen to yourself.  Trust your own self-awareness to help you sort through it all.

And trust your self-awareness to teach you as much as – maybe more than – all those gurus put together.

Because while they can teach you the nuts and bolts, the “how-to” aspects of marketing, only you can teach you what will actually work for you and your audience. 

Only you can discern what approach is in alignment with who you are, what your work represents to your clients, and how you want to show up.

Let’s look at what I mean by this.

Notice your reactions

You react to whatever you experience. 

You react to how those marketing gurus present their material; you react to the material itself; you react to your imagined experience of using the material to promote your business; and – if you do use the material – you react to your actual experience of using it.

When you study something and then put what you’ve learned into practice, it’s natural to look outside yourself to see the results.  So when you do a marketing activity, you look outside to see what happens.  Are more people signing up for your newsletter?  Are more people retweeting your tweets?  Is there a steady flow of visitors to your website – and are they buying?

Of course you want to track your results.  But you also want to track your experience throughout the process.

How does learning from each person feel to you?  Can you discern your internal reactions – pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral – to the ways different teachers present their material and to the approaches they recommend you employ?  When you use what you’ve learned, even as it may feel like a stretch to you, is it a good stretch, or is it uncomfortable because it’s out of alignment with who you are?

Trust your reactions!

You can respect someone’s expertise and opinion and still be aware that what she’s teaching or how she’s teaching it doesn’t work for you or your audience.

There are so many options available.  Don’t limit yourself to one that doesn’t feel in alignment for you.  Just because someone’s an “expert” doesn’t mean he’s right and you’re wrong.

Notice your responses

Every time you pick up a loaf of bread or a head of lettuce at the store or download an e-book or a recorded teleclass off someone’s website, you’re making a purchasing choice – and yes, it’s a purchasing choice even if it’s not something you had to pay for. 

Whether you like it or not, those purchasing choices are based at least in part on marketing. 

More specifically, they’re based on your responses to how different companies and individuals present themselves through their marketing.

Sometimes you feel repelled by marketing, and sometimes you feel intrigued.  Sometimes you can’t escape fast enough from someone’s annoying website, and sometimes you’re drawn in to browse and read and explore.

It’s easy to believe that the repellant marketing is repellant to everyone, and the intriguing marketing is intriguing to everyone, but of course that’s not true.  People do what works for their audiences, so although it may not work for you, it’s working for someone.

When you pay attention to your internal responses to other people’s marketing, you’ll learn just as much about how to tune your own marketing as you’ll learn from reading all those e-books and attending all those marketing classes.

Which email headlines do you find intriguing, and which ones cause you to hit “delete” without reading the message?  What levels of self-disclosure invite your trust, and what levels turn you off with not enough information – or way too much?  Which techniques around scarcity and urgency make you reach for your wallet, and which make you feel manipulated or angry?

Study after study has proven that we make purchasing decisions emotionally first, and then justify them logically.  Therefore, noticing these responses in yourself requires paying attention to more than just your thoughts about your experience.  It takes being aware of your body – because often a “yes” response will show up in your heart first, and a “no” response may show up in your gut before it reaches your mind. And it takes being open to your emotional experience, even if it doesn’t feel good or when you might not agree with it intellectually.

Constant effective learning

As you’ve probably noticed, refining your message is an ongoing process.  Learning about marketing, learning about your customers, and learning about your business never stops. 

Yet as I’m sure you’ve also noticed, you have only so much time and energy to invest in your business.  So of course you want to invest that time and energy where it will do the most good!

Becoming self-aware of your reactions and responses to marketing, especially how you’re affected by it in your own purchasing decisions, is one of the most effective and efficient ways to use your time.

After all, you’re having those reactions and responses all the time anyway!  The amount of extra effort to pay attention to what’s going on inside you is minimal – and the potential payback in more effective marketing, not to mention greater self-confidence as you develop your trust in yourself, is tremendous.

“The mind’s first step to self-awareness must be through the body.”  George Sheehan (1918-1993), American athlete, cardiologist, and author

It’s easy to get caught up in learning, taking classes, discovering new books.  There are so many experts out there, and they have so much to share!  And if you’re like many people, it’s also fun to keep learning new things.

Yet all that training takes time – time that might be better spent actively building your business.  (Or even taking time off – taking a break – taking a vacation!)

More importantly, attending training programs also takes energy. 

Mental energy, of course, as you take up the task of learning something new and then actually using it in your business. 

But it also takes emotional energy. 

And at its worst, the constant cycle of learning can take you away from your center, making you doubt yourself and your own understanding of what’s best for your business.

I’m not saying that learning is bad; far from it. 

I am saying that the compulsion to keep on learning, to take yet another class or teleseminar, sign up for yet another newsletter, and download yet another e-book, can actually undercut your success instead of enabling it.

Why do I say that?  Here are some of the reasons, along with a few suggestions about how you can effectively filter what you choose to learn – and who you choose to learn from.

Need to Know

When you’re first starting out, you might feel that you need to know just about everything.  And that’s probably true!  In the early stages of your business, it’s perfectly fine to take every class in sight. 

Eventually, however, you’ll want to become more focused.  Eventually, you’ll want to start asking yourself, “Do I really need to know this?” 

Eventually … you’ll start asking yourself, “Don’t I already know this?” 

Be alert for the signs that “eventually” has arrived.  Acknowledge that you do already know.

Fit or Misfit?

As you gain experience with the various teachers clamoring for your attention, you’ll discover differences between them. 

There are differences in teaching style, of course – and you’ll like some of them better than others.

But the important differences are the differences in approach within their areas of expertise – the techniques they teach and the ideas they suggest. As you discover these differences, you’ll discover which ideas and techniques are a fit for you – and which ones aren’t.

As you’ve probably experienced, there are some teachers whose approach makes you feel uncomfortable – either overtly (your skin crawls!) or subtly (it feels vaguely “off” to you). And there are some that just feel right – you feel an internal “Yes!” and even a whole-body sense of moving towards their ideas and suggestions.

It’s important to notice how you feel – and to trust how you feel to guide your choices about what training you want to invest in, and which teachers you want to work with. 

Because let’s face it:  if the ideas and approaches don’t feel right to you, you’ll never implement them. 

And isn’t the point of training to acquire knowledge that you’ll use to develop your business?

Inspiration or Desperation?

Have you ever taken a class that left you feeling panicky and depressed, instead of excited and inspired?

I think we all have.  Often (sadly) these are marketing offerings made available without a fee – and that sense of desperation and fear is unfortunately part of their marketing tactics to get you to buy what they’re selling.  And sometimes these depression-inducing programs are actually full-fledged classes offered with a pricetag.

Any class that leaves you feeling discouraged and as if you’re doing things “wrong” is not a good class for you.  (I’m not saying it’s not a good class – I’m saying that it’s not a fit for who you are or where you are at that moment.)

It can be difficult to detect these types of training programs until you’ve already committed and are partway through.  So if you do find yourself in the middle of a class like this, recognize that IT’S NOT YOU!  And drop the class like the proverbial hot potato. 

Don’t worry about wasting money or time by dropping out in the middle.  And don’t worry about what you might miss.  It’s not worth your precious emotional energy to stick with a class that’s sucking the enthusiasm out of you or making you feel broken in any way!

Trust yourself

Which brings me to my final point.

Trust yourself!

Recognize that you’re past the “taking every class in sight” stage I mentioned above.  Acknowledge that you do know how to do what you need to do.  Realize that whether or not you’re doing what you need to do is unrelated to your knowledge or understanding of the topic.

And you do know how to tell the difference between that sense of internal resistance, and a real knowledge gap that can be filled by a class or a book.

Which is why I suggest that too much training can sabotage your success.  Because when you spend time in yet another class, instead of implementing what you already know – or exploring the reasons why you’re not implementing what you already know! – then you’re not doing what your business needs you to do.

But you already knew that.

“Creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of bad training.”  Anna Freud (1895-1982), sixth and last child of Sigmund and Martha Freud, and one of the co-founders of psychoanalytic child psychology.

“Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.”  Mark Twain (1835-1910), pen name of Samuel Langhorne Clemens, American author and humorist.  From *Pudd’nhead Wilson (1894).

Have you ever said “no” to a potential client?

It’s a pretty weird feeling, turning down work that someone’s offering you. 

But I think everyone in business has experienced the no-win client:  the one who’s just not a fit, who’s frustrating (and frustrated), and for whom you know you’re not doing your best work – even though you’re trying.

It’s not the client’s fault.  And it’s not your fault either.

Except … you weren’t listening.  You weren’t listening to the little voice inside that was whispering “no.”

I know from personal experience, and I’ve heard it from colleagues and clients:  the situations that ultimately go wrong are always foreshadowed, right from the beginning, by a quiet feeling of something isn’t right here.

The problem is, when you’re looking at a potentially lucrative opportunity it’s really hard to hear that little voice whispering “no.”

Yet it’s also really important.  Because no matter how hard you try to justify the decision, those clients you take on despite your feelings of unease are seldom – if ever – worth it.

So can you actually say “no” to work that’s being offered to you?  Yes.  You can, and you should. 

Here are some things to think about – both in terms of why you can and should say “no,” and in terms of how to do it.

It’s really saying “yes”

I don’t mean this in the traditional time-management sense of making room for other opportunities.

I mean it in the sense of honoring what’s really true.

Because when you say “no” to a client who just doesn’t feel right (even when your bank balance is screaming at you), you’re saying “yes” to something deeper and more important.

You’re honoring yourself and the integrity of your business. 

You’re honoring your intuition, and you’re honoring your deep understanding of who you do your best work for.

And you’re honoring the client – yes, the client you’re saying “no” to.

Because he or she will be far happier with someone else – someone who is a fit for who they are and what they want and need.

It’s smart business

Fear and financial anxiety will try to out-shout that little whispered “no.”  But it’s smart business to pay attention to the whisper, not the shout.

Let’s say you take on that client – the one who makes you feel a little uneasy.

He or she isn’t going to be a raving fan.  S/he’s not going to refer you to other people.  In fact, depending on just how sideways the whole thing goes, s/he may even discourage other people from talking with you.  Even when you try your utmost to make it work, it’s just not going to be the kind of success you and your business are capable of.

So don’t let your anxiety talk you into overlooking your feelings just this once.

The gentle “no”

People aren’t used to hearing someone say “no” to their offer of work.

It’s your responsibility to make it a gentle, non-rejecting “no.”

If you can sincerely offer a referral to someone who might be a better resource, that’s great. 

Otherwise, just let him or her know that you don’t think what s/he wants is a fit for the type of work you do best.  It’s nothing personal, and it’s nothing against the project; it’s just that you know what you excel at, and this isn’t in alignment for you.

Don’t be surprised if they come back and offer you another project later.

And don’t be surprised if they refer other business to you.  It happens all the time.  There’s something very attractive about someone who’s up-front and honest about saying a gentle, respectful “no” to work that’s offered.

It might even be a project that is a fit for you.

“When we can say ‘no’ not only to things that are wrong and sinful, but also to things pleasant, profitable, and good which would hinder and clog our grand duties and our chief work, we shall understand more fully what life is worth, and how to make the most of it.”  Charles A. Stoddard (1833-1920), American travel writer

“I’ve learned to take ‘no’ as a vitamin.”  Suzanne de Passe (1948-), American television, music, and film producer who initially discovered the Jackson 5.  She was President of Motown Records, and is currently co-Chair of de Passe Jones Entertainment Group.

Customers.

As business owners, we all spend a lot of time thinking about customers.  How to find them.  How to get their attention.  How to convince them to buy.

When you look at your business from that perspective, your natural tendency will be to tell people all about what you can do for them.  And of course you’re proud of your work and want to share it with the world!

That’s why there are so many websites out there whose home pages start off with some variation of, “Welcome to my business!  We do…” and then dive into a description of everything that the business offers.

But your customers – those people who really do want and need what you offer – they can’t hear you.  They’re not ready to hear you.

Their minds are too full of what’s happening for them.  Their minds are too busy with the problem they face – yes, that problem you can solve for them! – and with trying to figure out what to do about it.  There’s no space available in their minds or in their emotions for your ideas or your offers to land, to be heard, to be noticed.

Even when they’re looking for help, and even when your offer is exactly what they want … they still can’t hear you.

Yet.

Because they firmly believe that their problem is unique and different from other people’s problems – no matter how similar you know those problems are.  And that means that before they can hear you, they need to feel that you understand both them and their problem.

So helping them feel that you understand them takes more – a lot more – than just your explanation of how you can fix their problem.  It takes showing your empathy:  demonstrating (not telling) that you’re clear about their feelings and their struggle.

Which means you’ve got to get to know them, because only then can you show them that you understand them.  When they feel that you understand, they begin to relax.  Then they’re not thinking just about the problem any more.  They’re also thinking – wow – this person gets it.  Maybe there’s help available!

And then they can begin to hear what you’re saying about what you can do for them.

No matter how much you may think you know your customers, you can always learn more and know them better.  How?  Consider these ideas.

Get out of your head space!

You experience your business from inside your own head space:  the head space of the business owner.  That space is filled with how you do what you do, why your clients need you, and what they should be doing to solve their problem.

All of that is deeply important, of course.  It’s what makes you good at what you do. 

But it’s not what your prospective clients need to hear when they’re beginning to explore your work.

Just for a moment, forget about the how, why, and what of your business.  Instead, get deeply into your prospects’ experience.  Remember, they don’t know what you know. So from their perspective – not yours! – imagine the problem they’re facing, how they’re struggling, the pain they’re trying to heal, and the fear they suffer because they don’t know what to do.

How does that feel?

In answering these questions, you’ll begin to get a glimmer of what they need to hear from you in order to believe that you understand their problem and can help them.

Explore your own experience

Take a few moments to search online for help with a real problem you’re facing in your life or business right now.

As you search, think about how you want to feel – and notice how you do feel.

What do you need to hear to really believe that someone might be able to help?

What experience do you want to have when you browse someone’s website?

How do you feel when you don’t get what you want and need?

Notice your emotional reaction, your thought process, and how those responses make you feel physically.  Where do you feel tension?  What happens when you see a site that seems insensitive, intimidating, or confusing to you?  How does your frustration about not finding what you need land in your body, and in your emotions?

Now – still in that space of “I’m looking for help with a real problem that I want to solve” – take a look at your own website.

Use your own experience to deepen your understanding of how your business communicates with your prospective customers.

Ask!

One of the most powerful things you can do is very simple:  ask.

Ask your favorite clients why they hired you.

And ask them why they might not have hired you.

It feels risky, I know.  But understanding your current customers is a great way to understand what’s really going on in your potential customers’ minds and hearts.

And it’s only then that you’ll know how to talk with them so they can hear you – and buy from you.

“The aim of marketing is to know and understand the customer so well that the product fits him and sells itself.”  Peter Drucker (1909-2005), American writer, management consultant, and self-described “social ecologist.”

There are things almost every mother ends up saying to her children.  We recognize these pieces of advice and instruction as amusing mom-cliches simply because they’re used so routinely.  And like most cliches, these bits of motherhood wisdom hold a certain kernel of truth.

I noticed recently that many of them also apply to running a business.

So whether or not your mother ever said any of these things to you (and I’ll bet she said at least one or two of them!), I hope you enjoy this little journey through three pieces of “mom wisdom,” and that you find them helpful in your own business.

Of course, if you have others to share or comments you’d like to contribute, by all means do!

“If all the other kids jumped off a bridge…”

I have to believe that every child, at one point or another, says, “But Mo-oooom!  All the other kids are…” (fill in the current hot activity)

And Mom’s infuriating reply? “Yes, dear.  And if all the other kids jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?”

It’s natural to want to go with the crowd.  It makes you feel warm and secure and like one of the cool kids.  And if everyone else is doing it, it must be a good thing to do – right?

Not necessarily!  Just because you see others taking a particular approach or a fellow business owner recommends that you do something – whether it’s blogging, social media, creating video, or any other apparently hot must-do activity – doesn’t mean it’s right for you.

Before you start any new marketing tactic – or even continue an activity you’ve been working on for a while – stop and ask yourself why you’re doing it. 

What result do you want?  And will this activity actually achieve that result?

A colleague asked me recently about a networking group a friend of hers had recommended.  I asked, “Who will you meet there, and are they your best audience?”  As simply as that, she saw through her urge to follow the crowd and recognized that although the group was right for her friend’s business, it might not be right for hers.

What are you doing – or considering doing – just because everyone else is doing it?

“Just be yourself, dear.”

I think we all remember the painful teenage desire to be popular. 

And when we agonized about dates and dances and the prom, Mom’s advice was often, “Just be yourself, dear.”

Just be yourself.  As another old saying goes, everyone else is already taken!

Trying to be someone you’re not, in business as well as personally, simply doesn’t work.  We all know that, yet it can be difficult when you’re putting your business out there in the world.  It often feels startlingly vulnerable to just be yourself – and to just let your business be itself.

But the best way to gain customers’ trust is to let them see that you’re a real person, running a real business.  You have expertise; that’s what you’re offering to them, whether in a product or through your services.  And of course they expect you to know what you’re doing within your area of expertise.  But they don’t expect, don’t want, and will never believe that you’re flawless.  The drive for perfection is, ultimately, a drive to be someone other than who you actually are.

Being yourself doesn’t mean revealing private personal information.  It just means letting yourself be seen as a complete a human being – the unique and individual human being that you already are.

Which leads me to the third and final Mom-ism.

“There’s no one else just like you, my little snowflake!”

Okay, maybe she didn’t put it exactly like that! 

Yet it’s more than just wishful parental thinking or rah-rah boosterism.  Every one of us really is unique, different from all the other billions of people on this planet.  We have our own unique brilliance, as well as our own unique flaws.  We may share skills or expertise with others – but how each of us employs those skills and implements that expertise is completely our own.

As a business owner, you bring your work to your customers in your own unique way.  Identifying what that unique way is – identifying the value you provide simply through that uniqueness – is what makes you stand out from the crowd of others who do similar work.  When you’re clear for yourself about that value, you can be clear in how you communicate it.  And then you send an unerring signal to your best clients that you’re the one for them.

I attended a conference session last year led by someone who does apparently similar work to mine.  Yet it was obvious to me that the people who are his best clients would be dreadfully unhappy with me – and vice versa.

Our styles are completely different.  Even though his customers and mine appear to be looking for the same results, the value we bring to our customers is uniquely our own. 

Knowing the uniqueness of your business, the individual ways you provide value that no one else can ever match – that’s what makes your message ring loud, clear, and true for your best customers.  Whether you’re in touch with your own uniqueness or not, Mom was right:  it’s there.

She was right, too, that identifying that uniqueness requires stepping away from what everyone else is doing … and definitely requires being yourself!

“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.”  Samuel Langhorne Clemens, also known as Mark Twain (1835-1910), American author and humorist.