Getting clear about what you do, and especially for whom, isn’t as straightforward as the so-called “experts” would have you believe.

Years ago, my business partner worked with a coach who told him, “You have to pick a niche.  Based on what we talked about last time, here are your choices.  Pick one.”

Years ago, I worked with a coach who said, “It doesn’t matter what you pick.  Pick anything, whatever you want.  It will change.”

These sound like they’re on opposite ends of the spectrum, but they’re really not.  They both represent a deep misunderstanding of the very gentle yet very powerful process of really knowing who you and your business are here to serve.

You wouldn’t peel the petals off a rosebud to get it to open up faster.  And you can’t rush the process of understanding your business any more than you can rush a rosebud into healthy bloom.

But you can fertilize, water, and prune the rosebush, helping it grow in healthy, happy ways.  And you can give your understanding of your business the space and attention it needs to develop clarity and focus. 

What does it mean to help your business understanding grow naturally?  Here are a few things to consider.

Should, supposed to, need to…

Clients tell me they “should” use the advanced education they paid so much time and money to achieve.

I thought I “should” use my 25 years of corporate experience.

You may feel like you’re “supposed to” know what you want to do.  How can you possibly be in business for yourself and still feel uncertain?

And you probably feel like you “need to” know how to talk about your work in ways that captivate your audience, or you’ll be struggling to sign clients and pay the bills.

Internal criticism and external demands squeeze the life out of your creativity and awareness.

The sneaky thing about all of this is that there’s a teeny, tiny, miniscule kernel of truth in each statement. 

But how these things actually unfold is likely to be wholly different from what you expect.  Because it’s never subject to should, supposed to, or need to.

Allow yourself to not know

Noticing the voices of should, supposed to, and need to will go a long way towards helping you see that you simply don’t know.

Not knowing creates fear for most people.  It’s not safe.  We’re taught from the earliest days of school on into our careers that not knowing means failure.

But when you really allow yourself to not know, when you can let not knowing into your heart (not just your mind), something relaxes and opens up.

You begin to see options and opportunities that weren’t available to you when you were trying to believe you did know.

That’s when you start to see how your education or your years in the corporate world – or whatever it is you think you “should” be using in your business – is actually amazingly valuable. 

Just not in the ways you expected.

And you know more than you think

Almost all my clients tell me they don’t really know how to articulate who they work best with, or even exactly what they do.

In the same breath, they share beautiful details about their ideal clients and the results they achieve for them.

You know more than you think you do.  You have an instinctive sense of what you do, and you have an intuitive response to your best clients. 

But instinct and intuition can be hard to articulate.

Start from not knowing – and trust that you do know more than you think.

Then pick up a pen or pick up the phone.  Talk with a friend or write about what you do – without thinking or editing.

Get help to pull out the powerful, interesting words and phrases. There will be more than you expect – if you’ve allowed the deepest part of you to express itself with vulnerability and humility. 

It takes time – and it’s never “done”

I had lunch with a client last week.  Happily devouring sushi, we talked about this process of understanding what we do.  Jabbing his chopsticks in the air for emphasis, he said, “It took me, what, two years to get to this place.  And I’m still figuring it out!”

I’ve had the pleasure of watching him step into more and more clarity and confidence about his work.  He knows now who he wants to work with, and what he wants to help them achieve.  And the work we did on his website reflects that.

Two years or two months or whatever it turns out to be, it’s also never done.  It continually evolves and grows and surprises you with new shoots and new blooms.

Just like a rosebush.

“To freely bloom – that is my definition of success.”  Gerry Spence, 1929-, American trial lawyer and author.  From How to Argue and Win Every Time.