The venerable Oxford English Dictionary defines marketing as “The action of buying or selling; the action or business of bringing or sending (a commodity) to the market.”

That sounds remarkably innocuous.  Tedious, even.

But if you’re struggling with putting yourself out in the world – marketing yourself and what you offer in ways that feel comfortable for you and bring the results you want … it might sound insultingly simple.

Almost every small business owner or solo practitioner has a hard time with marketing, especially when first starting out.   Even if you’ve done marketing and sales as a job (versus for yourself), asking people to buy your product or service tends to feel weird and difficult.

We’re brought up not to boast or brag – and marketing often feels a lot like both.  We’re taught that arrogance is unattractive – and being up-front about the value of what you offer can feel aggressive and arrogant. 

We’re warned that nagging is unpleasant – and telling people more than once about what you’re offering quickly feels like nagging.

And we’re clear that being bossy is bad – yet being explicit about what you want people to do (even just “click here!”) sometimes seems an awful lot like bossiness.

So it’s no surprise when people tell me they’d rather clean their bathrooms than market their businesses.

In fact, I met someone last weekend who’s so allergic to marketing that he’s given it up altogether.  He’s chosen to work as a subcontractor with a collective, instead of bringing his own unique genius into the world.

That’s not a judgment – if it works for him, that’s great.  But in the course of our conversation, I got the sense that it was the lesser of two evils: marketing versus subcontracting at others’ direction.

But WHY is marketing such an evil?  And what IS marketing, really?

Whether you’re marketing yourself in a solo practice or small business, or you’re writing a resume or promoting yourself to your boss – here are some alternative views on marketing that may help.

Marketing as Hope

When I talk about marketing with my clients, the idea that it can provide hope for their prospective customers is eye-opening for them.

It’s simple, though.  Effective marketing starts by letting your audience know that you understand them.  They feel as if they’ve been heard and acknowledged because your marketing communication resonates with them – they get that you understand their problems.

And that helps them feel hopeful – they’re not as alone or as weird as they’d been thinking.

Marketing as Healing

Healing is the next step after hope, and healing starts when your marketing helps them see that there *are* answers for their problems.

Even if they never buy a single thing from you, they still feel that sense of relief that there *is* help for them.  Your solution may or may not be the one they choose, but simply knowing that there’s a solution available begins a process of healing.

Marketing as Abundance

The most effective marketing communication – marketing that offers hope and healing – also offers at least the beginnings of “how to.”  It provides a step or two that someone can take to begin the process of solving their problem. 

Your generosity lays the foundation of a real relationship with your prospective customers, even without a one-on-one communication by phone, through email, or in person.  It brings them a sense of hope and healing – and makes it possible for them to believe that you really can help them.

Abundance isn’t a one-way street.  Their generosity in return – whether it’s through signing up for your list, referring you to their friends, or making a purchase – is part of the picture.  Of course, it’s a part you can’t control, but when your generosity is evident without being overwhelming, then their response tends to naturally follow.

Marketing as Honesty

One of the biggest difficulties people have with marketing is the “slime and sleaze” factor.

There’s so much screaming hype out there that marketing is rapidly becoming synonymous with dishonesty.

And it can feel as if you have to jump on the screaming-hype bandwagon just to be heard.

But – maybe not.  Maybe, if you look at the marketing you admire – noticing that you may not even be calling it “marketing,” but instead “so-and-so’s newsletter” or “that cool blog” – you might see that marketing can be honest.

When it’s founded on real communication that offers real hope, healing, and generosity, there’s no scope for anything but honesty.

What’s the trend here?

So, okay, every person who talks about marketing says over and over again that it’s all about your customer, not about you.  And when they’re not saying that, they’re talking about building relationships.

All of which makes it sound as if the burden is completely on your shoulders – and as if you have to do a whole lot of hard work.

And very few of them tell you how to make that shift in focus – which can be astonishingly difficult when you’re stuck in “I need clients now” mode.  There’s nothing like “I need clients now” to make it all about you, and not even a little bit about your customer or the relationship!

Look at these four points – Hope, Abundance, Healing, and Honesty.  You’ll see that every one of them shifts the focus – but not* from you to your customer.  Instead, it shifts to the interaction between you and your customer. 

These four points are guidelines for that interaction, and the basis of your relationship.

Because in the end, marketing isn’t only about your customer any more than it’s only about you.

In the end, marketing is about how you and your customer (or prospective customer) interact, communicate, and help each other.

So go forth and market – and have fun with it!

“Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after.”  Anne Morrow Lindbergh, 1906-2001, American aviator and author, from Gift from the Sea