The title of today’s article might sound like the first line of a bad joke, but it’s actually the preface to a useful (and fun) exercise.

Trying to understand your best clients is no laughing matter.  In fact, for many people it can be surprisingly – even painfully – difficult.  We know how to help our clients, but it’s often hard to really know who they are, how they describe the problems we help them solve, and how they need and want to hear about our work.  Yet we need to know all of that – and more – in order to communicate with them in a way they can hear and respond to.

Over the years of working with my clients to understand their clients at this deep level, I’ve developed various tools and exercises.  These tools are fairly unique in that they address multiple paths of understanding, working with hard facts and logic as well as intuition and felt preferences, language as well as visuals.

One of my favorites is called the “Bar Imagination Exercise.”

I like it because it’s playful and fun, and because it helps people experience aspects of their work that they may not have consciously noticed before.  I’m in the process of updating my own website content, and I’ve found this exercise to be particularly helpful. (Yes, I do use my own tools!)  So I’m presenting it to you in the hope that it will help you gain similar clarity about your own ideal clients.

I should add, in the spirit of its being a bar imagination exercise, that it helps to indulge in a glass of wine (or whatever your preference might be) before you start.  It truly makes a difference in how relaxed and uninhibited you are in your responses.

Imagine a bar…

Imagine a nice, comfortable, old-fashioned, welcoming sort of neighborhood bar, where the music is quiet enough that people can hear each other talk, and where the bartender has real conversations with customers.
 
(If you or your clients are primarily non-drinkers, you can make it a neighborhood coffee shop if that feels better to you, but the bar scenario really works best.)

It’s Friday night.  Someone walks in and sits down at the bar.  The bartender takes the order and pours the drink.
 
“You look pretty worn out,” the bartender comments.  “Tough week?”

“Yes!” says the visitor.  After a big sip of the drink, the whole story spills out.  It’s a long, detailed story about a tough problem that totally took possession of this person’s week, and that he (or she) just doesn’t know how to handle.

This person is your ideal client, and the problem is one that you’re uniquely and perfectly qualified to solve.

How does this person describe the problem and the problem makes him or her feel?

A client of yours steps in

A client of yours is also sitting at the bar, and happens to overhear the conversation.  This is someone who’s a raving fan of your work, so of course she (he) leans over and says, “You know, I hate to interrupt, but I couldn’t help overhearing what you’re saying.  I know someone who can help – let me explain!”

What does your client say in describing how you can help?

What would you say?

Instead of your client, it’s you sitting at the bar.

Of course you know you can help this person, and so you lean over and … what do you say?

Don’t just read this

Don’t just read this.  

Don’t assume you know what your answers are.

Don’t just think about the questions.

Until you sit down and pick up your pen or put your fingers on the keyboard and start writing – you don’t know what you’ll discover as you answer.

I see it over and over again with my clients – how surprised and intrigued they are by what they learn when they actually write their answers or talk them through with me.

And when I went through this exercise for myself, I too was surprised and pleased with what I learned.

What will you learn?  Let me know!

“Just do it!” Nike, Inc.’s slogan (American sporting goods and sportswear manufacturer)

There’s an old saying that all roads lead to Rome.  It’s probably not true any more – it’s actually a very old saying that originated when the Roman Empire was at its height (roughly 2,125 years ago).  But it’s true – and worth remembering – that there are many ways to get where you want to go.

I’ve been feeling baffled and frustrated recently by how many people I see making proclamations about how things should be done.  In fact, it seems that most of my recent comments on other people’s blogs and Facebook posts have been along the lines of “Yes, but…” in a quest to point out that there really are no absolutes.  One person’s right way is another’s detour or even totally wrong direction.

I understand that we tend to crave concrete answers.  And I know that the people making those proclamations are – for the most part – doing so out of an honest and deep desire to help.  But I also see many people stuck in a painful struggle, convinced that there’s something wrong with them because they can’t make someone else’s “right way” work.

As business owners, we know that what we do has value to our clients.  Yet we also tend to feel as if that there’s a lot we don’t know about marketing ourselves, about how to help our businesses grow, about connecting with our audience so it’s easy for them to say “yes” to what we offer.

So we seek out experts to help.  And in this age of content marketing (a.k.a. information overload), we receive a tremendous barrage of information from those experts.

Because our businesses have to pay our bills and put food on our table and because we love what we do, it’s easy for us to get sucked into expending huge amounts of effort (never mind money!) trying to make all that expertise work for us.  After all, if the experts say it’s true, then it should work.  If it doesn’t, then that must mean we’ve somehow screwed it up.

But “should” is not an effective tool for your business.

And “should” can steer you painfully, expensively wrong.

Of course, it’s not quite as simple as “if it’s not working, then it’s not meant for you.”  There are other factors at play, and it’s important to discern between a “should” that’s leading you astray, and a true problem in understanding or implementation.

Here are a few things to consider when evaluating “shoulds.”

Are you enjoying yourself?

I went into business for myself because I wanted to.  I stay in business because I’m good at what I do and I love doing it.

Over the years, I’ve had a few clients who didn’t really enjoy what they were doing.  They struggled with things they thought they should do – which in some cases included almost everything about their work.

If you’re not enjoying yourself – if you’re doing what you do because you “should” – then you might consider taking a step back to look at your goals for being in business, and being in the business you’re in.

It’s very difficult for your business to succeed if everything you do is a “should” instead of a “want to.”

Yet when you love what you do and why you do it, the less-pleasant aspects of your business become a lot easier.

Is your way working?

I was talking knitting with someone the other day, and she said, “I wish I knew how to knit the right way.”  I looked at her in astonishment.  She had been knitting for years, producing perfectly good garments.

It turned out that because she holds her knitting needles differently from how she sees others hold theirs, she assumed she was doing it wrong.

Just because you’re not doing it the way the experts say you should, don’t assume there’s anything wrong with what you’re doing.  The only question you need to ask is, are you getting the results you want? 

If not, then by all means change your approach. 

But if you are getting the results you want, the most you need to do is apply an occasional small tweak to make things even better.

Have you given it enough time?

If you’re anything like me, you’re on about a billion different mailing lists, all delivering information, tips, techniques, ideas, solutions, and other proclamations of The Right Way To Do It (whatever “it” is) into your email in-box every day.

It’s easy to become a new-idea junkie, especially when so many of those new ideas sound intriguing and when people are declaring that this is the Hot New Thing You Must Do Right Now. 

(Believe me … I can definitely speak from experience on this!)

But results seldom happen overnight.  If an idea is good enough to try, it’s also good enough to give it time to succeed.  So don’t ditch what you’re doing in favor of something new until you’re sure that

1)  It’s not right for you (are you enjoying it?), or

2)  You’re doing it as well as you possibly can, and

3)  The idea truly has had enough time to demonstrate success – or failure.

What’s the resistance?

Should and resistance are joined at the hip, inseparable from each other.

There’s no such thing as “should” without resistance to whatever it is you’re feeling “should” be.  If there wasn’t any resistance, then you’d just do it – “should” wouldn’t even cross your mind.

And I know this goes counter to what many people like to believe, but all the willpower and determination and accountability partners in the world can never truly overcome resistance.  Temporarily, perhaps, though part of you will still be kicking and screaming.  Long term?  Nope.

Resistance is best met with compassionate awareness. 

And that may mean acknowledging that whatever it is you think “should” be … actually shouldn’t.

And that frees you to trust yourself to find what works for you.

“When I’m not doing something that comes deeply from me, I get bored. When I get bored I get distracted and when I get distracted, I become depressed. It’s a natural resistance, and it insures your integrity.”  Maria Irene Fornes (1930-),Cuban-American avant-garde playwright, director, feminist, and Pulitzer Prize finalist.

Last Saturday was Opening Day at the Southern California Renaissance Faire.

I’ve been attending and working at the Faire for 15 years.  I love everything about Faire, from the dust, heat, and inevitable splinters to the beautiful craftswork and the wonderful people.

It’s the SoCal RenFaire’s 50th anniversary, and they’re celebrating in several ways.  This includes a significant redesign of the street layout, changing it from a single, winding street that was one way in, same way out.  Now Faire patrons have choices to make at several crossroads.  And they were confused and lost.

To add to the confusion, one street seems like it goes nowhere.  People look down the street and assume it’s a dead end, so most of them choose another direction.  The shops on that street were seeing very little traffic this weekend.

I talked with someone from the Faire’s management team on Saturday afternoon.  She sounded just as frustrated as the patrons and shop owners.  “People don’t read!” she complained.  “There are maps posted at all the ale stands.  Why aren’t they seeing them?”

It wasn’t until early Sunday morning, half-awake, that I realized what the problem was.  Along with that realization came several other insights.

I’m fascinated by how the challenges of a physical in-person event are directly relevant to virtual website-and-email businesses.  And I hope you’ll find these three Insights from RenFaire both amusing and useful in your business.

Don’t make people buy information they need to do business with you

Okay, that’s a really long header. 

And it’s a really important point.

In honor of the Faire’s 50th anniversary, there’s a fancy Special Edition program.  It’s being promoted as a collector’s item, and they’re selling it instead of giving it away as they usually do.

It contains the MAP. 

If you don’t buy a program, you don’t have a MAP.

Because the Faire’s street layout is so different this year, no one – not even people who have been coming to Faire for years – can find anything. 

They need a MAP. 

Those of us who work here need a MAP as well.  We’re just as disoriented.  We can’t find our own way around, never mind helping patrons get where they want to go.

It would be ridiculously easy for the Faire to print maps and hand them out to everyone who comes through the front gate and to give extra copies to all the vendors.

Moral of the story? 

Don’t make your audience pay for anything they need to feel comfortable within your environment.  (In the case of Faire, the environment is the physical space.  In your case, it could be your physical store, or your website, your newsletter, the emails you send out, your Facebook page, and so on – you get the idea.)

Don’t frustrate your potential customers by asking them to buy information you should be giving away. 

Don’t put a map at the ale stand

I was slow.  It took me till Sunday morning to realize what was wrong with putting maps up at the ale stands.

Maybe you already spotted the problem.

Question:  When do you want to look at a map?

Answer:  When you’re not sure where you are or how to get where you’re going.

Question:  Is anyone at the ale stand uncertain about where they are or how to get where they want to go?

Answer:  Don’t be ridiculous.  They know exactly where they are and they know exactly how to get where they want to go.  They’re on line at the ale stand, and they want to get to the front of the line so they can buy a drink!

Very few people on line at the ale stand are going to notice, never mind study, a map.

On the other hand, when they come to a crossroads and don’t know which way to turn or aren’t sure where their choices might lead, then they want to see a map. 

There were no maps at the crossroads.

You may think you’re giving someone all the information they need to find their way to you, to navigate your website, or to buy your product or service.  But if you don’t put that information in the places where your customers’ questions and uncertainty arise, it’s invisible to them. 

People look for information where they need it.  It’s your job to make sure you put the information where they’re looking.

Your customers aren’t wrong

The Faire manager I talked with on Saturday afternoon was certain that the Faire patrons were wrong.  “They don’t read,” she cried impatiently.  “They don’t pay attention.  We’re giving them everything they need to know to find their way around – what’s wrong with them?”

The Faire patrons weren’t wrong.

If your potential customers are confused, uncertain, or unclear about who you are, what you offer, or what they need to do in order to buy from you, it’s not their fault and they’re not wrong.

It’s your problem, not theirs.

And that’s good news, because that means it’s entirely within your power to make things better for them – which means making things better for yourself.

“Maps encourage boldness. They’re like cryptic love letters. They make anything seem possible.” Mark Jenkins, American travel and adventure writer.

Your marketing is intended to help the right people say yes to what you offer.

This is true whether you’re writing a how-to article, building a sales page, or talking with a potential client.  Everything you do to promote your business leads toward that ultimate goal:  helping the right people know, think, and feel what they need to know, think, and feel to be ready to say yes.

There’s a single very important word in what I’m saying here:  RIGHT. 

The RIGHT people.  Not some random folks off the street, and not even everyone who could possibly ever use something like what you offer at some point in their lives. 

The RIGHT people are right psychologically, emotionally, and financially.  They’re in the right place in their own process.  They’re ready and able to take full advantage of what you offer now.

(If you feel like marketing is difficult, uncomfortable, or even sleazy, it could be because you’re trying to market too broadly.  But that’s another topic for another time.)

So you’re on board with this very important concept.  And you understand your clients well, so you know how to help them know, think, and feel what they need to know, think, and feel in order to say yes.

There’s one more step – a crucial, key element that many people overlook or fumble, even when they get all the rest of their marketing just right.

The ask, sometimes known as the call to action.

If you don’t ask your audience to do what you want them to do, or if you ask in ways that confuse them, or if you give them too many choices – all your marketing efforts go to waste.

Here are four of the most common mistakes, and how to fix them.

ASK!

“But it’s obvious that I want them to call me,” a client said.  “Why else would I be sending them an email describing what I offer?”

Perhaps it should be obvious, but trust me, it’s not.  And if you don’t ask, there’s a significant chance that your reader won’t feel any impulse to take action.

You have to ask, very specifically. 

“Call me at xxx.xxx.xxxx.” 

Being obvious won’t offend anyone.  And by providing everything they need to take action (in this example, your phone number), you’re demonstrating that you know how to make things easy for them.  That helps them feel as if you’ll take care of them, and gives them confidence that you can solve their problem.

ONE main choice

What do you really want them to do?

It’s easy to get anxious at this point.  What if they don’t do what you ask them to do?  Wouldn’t it be better to give them several choices, so if they don’t do one thing, maybe they’ll do another?  And maybe you’ve heard that it’s good to give people options so they can shop instead of just saying “no.”

But too many choices are overwhelming and confusing.  Give your customer just ONE primary choice, especially on a sales page.  BUY is the single choice.  Buy the gold package versus the platinum package is the shopping option.

Make sure that your one main choice is big, bold, and obvious.  Any secondary choice should be much smaller and less obvious.

Be insanely clear

Make your call to action incredibly, blindingly, stupidly obvious and clear.

Of course your clients aren’t stupid, and I’m not saying you should treat them as if they are.

But if you don’t ask for what you want in a way that’s instantly comprehensible, you’ll lose people – and that means you’ll lose sales.  You’ll lose the chance to help someone who needs what you offer.

Don’t bury your call to action in cute language.  Don’t be coy about what you want someone to do.  And although you might feel as if you’ve developed the most wonderful metaphor ever … don’t extend the metaphor into your call to action.
 
Leave absolutely no room for confusion, doubt, or frustration.

What happens next?

Even when you’re just collecting an email address for your newsletter, be sure to say what will happen next.

People don’t like uncertainty, and they don’t like feeling dumb.  Telling them exactly what will happen next – even if it’s as simple as, “You can expect to receive my latest article in your email in-box in a few hours” – gives them a sense of security.  It helps them feel like you’re taking care of them, and that they’re safe in your hands.

And that’s exactly how you want them to feel.

“To get thine ends, lay bashfulness aside; Who fears to ask, doth teach to be deny’d.”  Robert Herrick (1591-1674), 17th-century English poet.

I’ve written and scrapped two different articles for this issue of my newsletter.  Neither of them came together as I wanted.

Yes, it’s true:  I’m stuck.

And when I’m stuck, the urge to sneak away from my computer and sit in the sun with a book and some chocolate becomes pretty compelling. 

What do you do when you get stuck?  Here are some of the things I try.

Give up

In all seriousness, sometimes giving up really is the answer.  The world won’t come to an end if I don’t get this article out on its regular schedule.  In fact, as a friend commented, most people probably wouldn’t even notice if it’s a day or two late.  (Yes, she really is a friend…)

Forcing yourself to keep struggling with something that just isn’t working is usually a recipe for frustration and more struggle.  That’s a lesson I learned the hard way, but I have learned it!

And I tried giving up when the first article failed on Friday.  When the second article failed today, I was tempted, but I knew it was time for another approach.

Eat!

This can be more of a symptom than a tactic.  When I’m really stuck, I tend to get what I call “the nibbles.”

All I can do is try for a cup of tea instead – or at least a piece of fruit rather than chocolate.  And no, fruit-and-nut chocolate does not count as fruit!

However, it’s also worth noting that low blood-sugar can have a really bad effect on your ability to focus.  A break for lunch or a snack is sometimes exactly what you need.

Meditate

Meditation has become a way of life for me.  I can always tell the difference in the quality of my day when I have time to meditate versus those days when I don’t.

Meditation takes me down out of my mind and back into my body, helping me remember that the whirling, anxiety-producing thought-cluster is not who I really am – and in fact isn’t real at all.

Sometimes that’s enough to unstick me and get things moving again.

Not this time!

Smell – and weed – the flowers

The freesias are blooming in my garden (and in a vase on my desk).  Getting outside, breathing the spring air, and admiring the delicate blossoms and their scent (my favorite flower smell) is inspiring. 

Pulling weeds at least gives me a feeling I’ve accomplished something worthwhile.

The article remained uncooperative.

Skritch the cat

Purring cats are good for the psyche.

Apparently not for the article-writing process, however.

Anti social media

Visiting Twitter or Facebook when I’m stuck is a bad idea.  Reading a stream of Tweets or Wall posts exclaiming about all the great ideas people are having only leaves me feeling more inadequate and more grouchy.

I’ll pass on this one.

Go for a walk or a bike ride

Ahh.  There really is something to be said for getting oxygen into the brain.

Ten miles on the bike, to the bank and then along the San Luis Rey River bike trail, included a road-runner sighting!

At the four-mile mark, not just one, but two article ideas.  This one wrote itself in my head as I pedaled; the other one is on hold for next time.

What do you do when you’re stuck?

I hope some of these ideas will help get you unstuck – or at least lighten your mood a little.  And I’d love to hear about what works when you’re feeling stuck.  Post your comments and ideas below!

And now I can go sit in the sun with my book and a cup of tea!

“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.”  George Carlin (1937-2008), American stand-up comedian, social critic, satirist, actor, and author; winner of five Grammy Awards.

If you’re interested in some help … I’m offering a limited number of free 45-minute strategy sessions each month.  Check out the schedule and sign up at https://my.timedriver.com/KWK22.

The other day, I was listening to someone describe his options for what he’ll do next.  In our conversation, he was focusing on the choice that seemed the most sensible.

I listened, posed a few questions, and then asked … whatever happened to the idea he’d mentioned to me in an email the previous week?

He dropped his gaze to the table-top, moved his cell phone around, picked up his tea and put it down again.  Finally, he started talking.  I was immediately struck by the difference in his voice, tone, and the words he used. 

“You sound a lot more excited about this than anything else you’ve talked about,” I commented.  And then he said the words I’d been waiting and hoping for. 

“I guess it’s a calling.”

As I can attest to personally, there’s a deep sense of rightness in doing work you feel called to do.

So why is it that so many people seem embarrassed, bashful, and hesitant when they talk about doing work that’s profoundly meaningful for them?

Why do so many people seem to hold back from taking even the first step towards bringing that work out into the world?

In wondering about this, I’ve noticed that there are questions that often come up for people – questions that aren’t constructive, but instead become roadblocks.  Here are three of the most common.  If you’ve been asking them – or if you’ve found different questions and other roadblocks – by all means tell me about it in the comments below.

“How do I do this?!”

In helping my clients deeply explore what they do, we tend to engage with the leading edge of their work.

That leading edge often feels fuzzy and undefined.  And “fuzzy and undefined” can be unnerving.  So it’s hardly surprising that this question of “How do I do this?” comes up.

I tell them what I tell myself in that situation:  you’re not supposed to know how in this early stage.  When you’re just stepping into something bigger, you’re supposed to be confused.  Your only task in this phase is to open up to the possibilities, allowing the calling to inform you about what it wants to be.  “How” comes into play a lot further down the road – and by then, you’ll have the answer.

“Who am I…?”

We never wonder “who am I to be doing this?” when we’re not particularly engaged in our work.

Yet that question of “who am I?” – or its close relation, “who do I think I am?” – quickly comes up when the work feels meaningful.  There’s a vulnerability that arises when we’re deeply committed to what we do.

When I first started my business, I wrote on my website about how I hoped that, by helping individual people be happier and more successful, I would be making a difference in the world.  Although I have no idea now exactly what I said, I clearly remember how vulnerable it felt to put it out there.

And I clearly remember how quickly I rewrote the wording when a friend casually teased me about it.

These days, I’m blown away by the amazing work my clients do – and I’m blown away by the ways in which they hesitate to take ownership of their abilities.

In backing up from their brilliance, they make it very difficult for the people who need their help to find out about them.

Don’t turn away from what’s coming into the world through you!  If the work is calling to you, who are you not to be doing it? 

“What if I fail?”

As a born-and-bred perfectionist, I understand this question. 

Up until recently, every time I sat down to start a new project for a client, I was convinced that this was the one that was going to be a total failure.

Two things happened.

Thing One:  that project finally came along – the one that was a failure, the one where I couldn’t write the words the client wanted.  And my world didn’t end.  Yes, it was painful – but I didn’t have to close my business, go back into the corporate world, or sell my house.  And I learned a lot about who my best clients really are.

Thing Two:  I realized that as long as I stay true to that understanding about my best clients, the only way I can fail is if I get in my own way.  If I think too much and try too hard, then I’m clogging up the process.  On the other hand, if I relax and allow the work to come through me, I’m often surprised by the results.  The more I relax and surrender to the process, the better my work becomes.  Of course I still make mistakes – that’s part of the fun of being human!  But a mistake doesn’t mean failure, and that perspective shift is significant – and very freeing.

I’ve seen how true this is for myself as well as for my clients, colleagues, and friends.

Allow what wants to come through to have its way.  The resources, courage, and abilities you need will become available to you, as long as you don’t blind yourself with your own struggle to “do it right.”

It’s so much easier – and a lot more fun – when you just let go and cooperate with what’s knocking on your heart!

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re usually right.”  Henry Ford (1863-1947), American industrialist, founder of the Ford Motor Company, and sponsor of the development of the assembly line.

“Enlightenment is absolute cooperation with the inevitable.”  Anthony de Mello (1931-1987), Jesuit priest, psychotherapist, speaker, and author.

I was recently in a rather heated debate with a colleague over the pros and cons of HTML emails.

It got me thinking about the beliefs, thoughts, and feelings we have about the things we do in our businesses – and about how our beliefs, thoughts, and feelings don’t always hold up when we compare them to what actually happens when we do those things.

For me, the fun of marketing is all about understanding what’s really happening when, for instance, someone receives an email from me.  Are the things I believe about how they’ll respond to that email really true?  What happens if I tinker with what I’m sending out?  Can I confirm the results in multiple tests?

With that in mind, here are three and a half counter-intuitive things I’ve tried and tested.  They’re likely to improve your email response rates just as they did mine.  But don’t take my word for it.  Test them for yourself! 

Note that I’m saying COUNTER-intuitive.  This isn’t about obvious stuff like good headlines and strong calls to action.  This is about the less-obvious things that may be tripping you up.

1.  Drop the pictures

I know “they” say that images in your blog posts or emails improve your response rate.  And that can be true, but there’s a very big IF attached:  IF the picture is immediately, totally, and clearly relevant to what you’re writing about.

It can be surprisingly difficult to find pictures that really fulfill that requirement.

Meanwhile, even if your pictures are 100% relevant to your topic, there are other problems with images that can damage your response rates.  I went into them in detail in a recent blog post, so I won’t cover them again here.  The post is called “3 Ways Pictures Keep Your Readers from Reading your Email,” and you can find it at http://www.svahaconcepts.com/blog/communicating-your-message/3-ways-pictures-keep-your-readers-from-reading-your-email

2. Don’t mask URLs

I know.  Those clear URLs – like the big long link I have in the paragraph above – are oooo-gly.  And the whole point of HTML emails is that you can make them purty.

But what’s the point of pretty if you aren’t getting the results you want?  If you include a link in your email, presumably it’s because you want your readers to click on it.

I’ve done several studies on this.  Several, because I couldn’t believe the results I was getting. 

The clear answer from my tests was that people will click on the long, ugly URL far more often than on a link that’s embedded in text.

In other words, people <em>don&rsquo;t</em> click when the URL looks like this:  “3 Ways Pictures Keep Your Readers from Reading your Email“.

My guess is that people are more comfortable clicking on a link when they feel like they know where they’re going.  Or it could be that when the link is obviously a URL, it’s more obviously something to be clicked on.

The relevant point is, don’t mask your URLs.  Even if they’re long and ugly, put them in.  And then you can see for yourself if you get better results.

3 plus 1/2. Drop the formality

Got something important to say?  REALLY want your reader to do something in response to your message?

Drop the formality in your layout and your language.  (That’s how this tip rates the extra half:  it’s referring to both format and writing style.)

I know it’s hard.

It’s easy to feel like your carefully-laid-out newsletter template is a key aspect of your brand and your credibility.  It’s easy to worry that you won’t be taken seriously if you break the strict rules of grammar your high-school English teacher stuffed into your brain.

But a casual email-between-friends style is more likely to be read – especially if it’s not what you normally send.

When you write as if you’re writing to a friend, your readers will respond accordingly. So keep the formal template for your articles, but when you have something important to say (such as a key marketing message), drop the formality and go for casual.

Counter-intuitive is fun!

I know it may seem odd (or … counter-intuitive!), but playing with this sort of thing can be a lot of fun.

It’s all an experiment.  Make like a mad scientist and try things out.  After all, you can always go back to what you’re doing now – but the only way to get better results is to experiment with something new.

And if – or rather, when – someone unsubscribes, remember that whoever it was never going to be one of your ideal clients. 

“Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it’s just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it.”  David Sedaris (1956-), American humorist, comedian, best-selling author, and radio contributor.  From an interview in the Louisville Courier-Journal, June 5, 2005.

Excuse me – have you noticed that your business is growing?

Your business might be just a gleam of an idea, or it could be a decades-long success story.

You might have had a fantastic year in 2011, or you could have felt like the year was a struggle, or you may be feeling dull and stagnant.

No matter what – your business is growing.  It may be growing in obvious ways, or the idea of growth may feel totally counter-intuitive, or you may be somewhere in between.  But it IS growing.

Because that’s what businesses do:  they grow.

Unless you get in the way.  Then, yes, it’s true:  some fail.

(And yes, of course some businesses are so unconnected with their customers that they cannot succeed.  I’m not talking about that; I’m talking about you, because if you’re reading this, you’ve got at least some connection with your best clients and with your business.)

Business growth doesn’t always show up the way you expect.  Sometimes it looks and feels like something’s gone wrong.  Sometimes it seems as if you’re being fickle or unfocused.  Sometimes it feels vulnerable and scary.

Let’s take a look at three ways your business could be growing even if you haven’t noticed, and then see how you can work with your feelings of anxiety and gain clarity about what’s developing.

1.  Feeling stuck?

When your enthusiasm or your income seem stagnant – or even as if they’re going backwards – a lot of anxious questions can start running through your mind.

Where did the passion go?  What happened to all the clients who had been lining up at the door?  What if this is the beginning of the end – what will you do?

Those questions are frightening – and distracting.

A slow time in your business – whether it’s slow in terms of your personal feelings of engagement, or in your revenue stream, or both – doesn’t necessarily mean that everything’s coming unravelled.

It’s more likely that something new is stirring.  Something is taking shape somewhere just out of sight; new roots are developing and new shoots are getting ready to sprout.

2.  Feeling overwhelmed?

Sometimes you’re feeling exactly the opposite of stuck. 

Sometimes it’s obvious that your business is trying to grow.  You have so many ideas you don’t know where to start or how to manage them.

When you feel like you’re trying to harness a tiger or ride a whirlwind, it’s easy to feel anxious, and it’s difficult to focus. 

3.  Feeling vulnerable?

Whether you’re just starting out or you’ve been in business for decades, the stirrings of something new can be unnerving.

You might wonder if this new direction will drive away the people who’ve been your best clients up till now.

The depth and power of what’s tugging on your sleeve – or on your heart – might feel raw and vulnerable.

It can seem risky to step out of a business model (or a job!) that you put time and effort into developing and that’s been working for you.

And all that brings up anxiety and doubt.

Give your experience space

Trying to contain or change how you feel may seem like the logical thing to do, but in reality you only spin your wheels, spending all your energy wrestling with your feelings instead of creating clarity and focus.

So give the anxiety space to be.  Suppressing it just drives it underground, where it will nibble away at those developing roots and shoots, delaying the process of growth.

At the same time, don’t let anxiety run your business for you. 

Instead, take some time to ask yourself, with an open mind, an open heart, and plenty of curiosity, what might be developing and where you most want to focus your energy.

You know more than you think

Ideas, thoughts, and feelings tend to swirl around inside.

Getting them out of your mind and onto paper helps you tune in to what’s really happening, what’s trying to grow, and how it wants to unfold.

Writing can feel like just one more challenge – but writing to discover is a powerful way to create a dialogue with yourself and with your business’s impulse to develop.

It’s not about writing an article, an essay, or anything “finished” at all.

It’s about discovery!

You know more than you think you know, and this process helps uncover that deeper knowledge.

Here’s how it works.

Open up a document on your computer or take out a blank piece of paper.

Staring a blank page in the eye is daunting, so take off the blankness by asking yourself a question.  Write it at the top of the page.

You might ask, “What roots are growing in my business?” or “How does my business want to grow and develop?” or simply, “What’s calling me?”

These are just examples.  Ask whatever question is uppermost for you.  Be sure it’s open-ended, curious, and positive.  (Which means, don’t ask “why is my business struggling,” or questions of that nature.)

Then write freely, open-heartedly, without editing yourself.  Blither onto the page.  Ramble.  Be redundant.  Don’t think about what you’re writing. 

Enjoy yourself.

I promise you that you’ll be surprised by what you already know about how your business wants to grow and develop.

“One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore.”  Andre Gide (1869-1951), French author and winner of the Nobel Prize in literature in 1947.

In the previous article, “Did You Learn from Last Year’s Successes,” I explained why I’m not a fan of formal plans and concrete goals. As I described in that article, they can be a painful set-up for feelings of struggle, inadequacy, and failure.

I also think that too much structure tends to be destructive to creativity, limiting your ability to notice surprises, move with the flow of how things want to unfold, and follow unexpected paths.  To me, those surprises, unexpected paths, and the continuing excitement and wonder that come when I allow my business to unfold naturally – that’s what makes it all worthwhile.

Which isn’t to say that I never make any sort of plans or that I never establish goals.  That would be way too far in the opposite direction, and certainly unlikely to lead to success.

The key is flexibility: plans as guidelines, not rules, and goals as intentions, not hard-edged “gotta make it happen” statements.

If you’d like to try this approach, here are some things to consider as you look towards the upcoming year.

Three questions

Using what you discovered from your work with the last article, ask yourself three questions.  (If you missed the article, you can find it here:  http://svahaconcepts.com/articles/alignment-with-your-message/did-you-learn-from-last-years-successes)

1.  What do you want more of this year?

2.  What do you want less of this year?

3.  What would you most like to accomplish this year?

As you ask them – and especially as you ask #3 – don’t frame your answers as traditional goals, plans, or resolutions.

Think flexibility.  Think soft edges.  Allow yourself to feel what seems right, instead of thinking it through or adhering strictly to logic.

How would it feel?

Imagine how it would feel to experience the reality of your answers to those questions.

Experience how it feels to think about having these things.  There could be excitement – but there will also be doubts, concerns, and anxieties.

For instance, if your answer to question #1 is that you’d like to serve more people doing work that you love … does that bring up concerns that you might feel overwhelmed – so busy that there would be no time for you in all that work for your clients?

It’s important to recognize and acknowledge these doubts, concerns, and anxieties, because they’re what get in the way of being able to have what you want.

The most important question

So now you know what you want more of, what you want less of, and what you’d like to accomplish.

You have a sense of what that would feel like from both sides: the excited wow, yeah side as well as the not-so-confident oh crap side.

Now ask the most important question of all.

What do you need in order to not feel that oh crap feeling? 

What support do you need?  What knowledge do you need?  What feelings do you need?

For instance, you might feel that growing your business and taking it to the next level would be very vulnerable and risky.  Perhaps you don’t believe you have the confidence you need to be that far “out there” in your work.

To gain that confidence, you might hire coaching support.  Or you might choose to gather some really fantastic testimonials from your clients.  Or you could take up meditation so that you can feel more grounded.

These are three very different responses to the same question.  The point is to explore what would help you feel what you need to feel and experience what you want to experience.

I can’t tell you what you need in order to reach those places and have those things that you want.  Only you can answer that question.

But I can tell you that if you don’t ask the most important question, what do you need? – and ask it from all levels, emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual – you won’t get there.

“You’ve achieved success in your field when you don’t know whether what you’re doing is work or play.” Warren Beatty (1937-), American actor, producer, screenwriter, and director.

With thanks to Lissa Boles of http://www.thesoulmap.com for reminding me of the most important question in her lovely Christmas Day video gift to her subscribers.

This time of year seems to invite us, as individuals and as business owners, to take stock.

What got done last year?  What didn’t get done?  What do we want to do in the upcoming year?

Traditional planning invites us to set “stretch” goals – to challenge our ideas of what’s possible for us.  And while I appreciate the intention – challenging ourselves to stretch and grow is a good thing – when we set a specific, hard-edged goal around something as tender and vulnerable as growth … let’s just say it tends to end badly.

In fact, most annual assessments and most planning are done in ways that end up creating feelings of frustration and failure.  Goals set with enthusiasm last year may not have been reached.  Dreams and plans for achievement were derailed.  And we’re left wondering what went wrong, feeling like we screwed up.

I’m not suggesting that we should just float along from moment to moment without any structure.  But I do think that there are less self-destructive, more productive ways to first evaluate what’s happened, and then consider what we want to achieve going forward.

In this article, I describe new ways to look at what unfolded in your business – and in your life, if you so choose – over the last year.  In the next article, I’ll talk about how you can foster your creativity and growth over the upcoming year without setting yourself up for struggle and frustration.

Ready?  Let’s take a look at this past year!

What actually happened?

Whether or not you went through a formal planning process at the beginning of the year, you undoubtedly had some expectations and ideas about what you wanted to accomplish.

But as I mentioned, evaluating your year against those expectations isn’t particularly effective.

Instead of looking at what you expected to happen, look at what actually happened.  Don’t compare it to those expectations.  Don’t judge it in any way.  Just get an accurate, honest understanding of what really happened.

What worked well?

It’s easy to focus on the mistakes you’ve made and the things you didn’t get around to.  In fact, it seems to be a cultural imperative to spend time understanding those mistakes and missed goals, dissecting them into painful details so you’ll never make them again, and in the process to call yourself any number of nasty names out of frustration and self-anger.

Not very productive.  And certainly not very enjoyable.

It’s a lot more fun to repeat your successes.

Yet we seldom stop to look at what worked well.  In fact, we generally don’t give a second thought to the things that went well.  After all, it worked out right, it’s over, let’s move on and pay attention to what’s next.

So – stop!  As you look back at what actually happened, note the things that went well.  What are you proud of?  What made you feel joyful, happy, and good about yourself?

What can you learn from these successes of yours?  What can you bring forward and keep doing more of – so you can have more success?

What was surprising?

We’re taught not to brag, boast, or appear arrogant.  And so it can be startlingly difficult to notice, even privately, the things we did well, the ways in which we succeeded.

So take another look from another perspective.

What surprised you?  What was unexpected?

While it’s true that unexpected surprises can sometimes be the result of mistakes, you’ve undoubtedly already spent more than enough time reviewing those mistakes.

What was surprisingly good?  What was unexpectedly fun?

And what is there to learn from those good, fun experiences?  How can you bring this sense of fun and enjoyment into the new year, into your ongoing work and the new projects you have in mind?

Relax

None of this should feel like a struggle or cause any feelings of tension or strain. 

This isn’t about forcing anything.  It’s not even about planning anything for the future.  (That comes in the next article!) 

It’s about taking stock with appreciation instead of with criticism.  It’s about recognizing what you’ve accomplished not just for the sake of recognition (though that’s important too), but so that you can learn from it:  learn more about what you’re good at, learn more about what comes naturally for you, learn more about what’s fun and enjoyable, and learn more about what others appreciate in your work.

Don’t stop learning from your mistakes.  And never forget to learn from your successes.

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.”  Maya Angelou (1928-), American author and poet with over 30 honorary degrees and nominations for both the National Book Award and the Pulitzer Prize